I'm talking our top sales reps through how to sell, walking them around our new show house. Here we are in the bedroom, where 30% of your sales will be closed and...oh hang on, something seems to be wrong...please could you give me a moment? I've just started itching in a rather embarrassing place. Look, please go away everyone! Can't you see I need some privacy?

Frantically scratching at my suddenly itchy butt crack, I try relieving the itch with my fingers before scratching against a wall, against a chest of drawers, the bed, the bedside table... It's so maddening that before I realise I've done it, I've pulled down my smart trousers and panties, and am desperately scratching my bare butt, right in front of everyone. GO AWAY!!! Leave me alone - this is so embarrassing but I can't help it - I feel like I'm going crazy! I try jamming my phone into my butt crack to see if I can relieve the itch that way. Can you see anything stuck to my butt that'd be causing the itch? Look closely please, I need help! Is there anything in my butt crack? I even try a pen to see if I can scratch the itch effectively that way. Nothing works! What am I going to do!?